Sunday, January 6, 2013

Ms. Judgy McJudgerson

I did it. I texted NY guy. And he texted back!! So I texted him again! And he texted back!! Then I realized I suck at texting, so I texted that maybe he should call me . . . And he did!!!

So we talked . . . where do you work (he works in sales) . . . do you have kids (he has twin 11 year old boys who live in Superior) . . . what NFL team do you root for (Giants - at least it's not the Vikings or Bears) . . . what do you like to do for fun (he rides a unicycle (!) likes to bike, do outside stuff) . . . The conversation was at times awkward, and easy at other times.

OK, I admit, I overanalyze everything. Dating is no exception. I get all Ms. Judgy McJudgerson. I tend to think in terms of "green flags" and "red flags" - and if there are more green flags than red flags, I'll continue forward. After one conversation, here's NY guy's talley:

Green Flags
  • Gainfully employed
  • Shares a lot of the same activity interests
  • Likes football
  • Seemed genuinely interested in me
Red Flags
  • Avoided answering questions about his relationship history, though he asked many about mine
  • Had a "driving incident" and lost his liscense - doesn't get it back for 3-4 months
  • Lives 2 hours away
  • Has kids who live 4+ hours from him & he travels to see them 4-5 times a month
  • Doesn't have a religious viewpoint
  • Avoided questions about his family. He mentioned he was raised Jehova Witness and left the faith/family when he was 19

I'm working very hard on "following my gut" - and I'm not referring to the pizza I may or may not have ordered for lunch today. I'm trying to trust my instincts. My instincts tell me this isn't the guy for me. Yes, I'm being judgmental. I can't help it. Being "religious," having a close connection with family, being able to physically see someone - these are things that are very important to me. My instincts are, this isn't the guy for me.

But I'm OK with that. I did have one moment of clarity during our conversation. NY guy asked what I'm looking for, and I told him that I missed having a partner. I basically said the same thing that is in my PoF profile:

 "I am tired of being single! I'm looking for a partner in crime (not actual-end-up-in-jail-crime, just to clarify), someone to have adventures with. I like simple things - fireworks, rollercoasters, cookouts, watching a movie, taking a bike ride, browsing the farmer's market. I love to cook and would sure like to find a guinea pig for my culinary experiments."

He told me it sounded like I was looking for a friend instead of a romantic relationship. And I had a bit of an "Ah-ha" moment. My profile really does describe a friendship instead of an intimiate, romantic relationship. Duh.

CAUTION: more overanalyzing ahead.

I'm afraid to admit I want a deep, personal, fulfilling relationship. And I think it's because I don't have absolute control over someone else's feelings. It's a whole lot of left-over insecurity from a failed marriage. But as my friend Megan O. once said, I have to be able to say it if I want it to come true. The next few days I'm going to work on re-doing my profile on PoF and eharmony to more clearly reflect what I'm looking for. Any suggestions would be welcome!

No comments:

Post a Comment