Ridiculous

It is ridiculous that I've not posted in over a week. Sorry. Life got in the way. I spent the last week taking my forensics team to the first of 3 national forensics tournaments. They won a trophy and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I have a week at home to catch up on laundry, grading, cleaning and sleeping, then it's off to national tournament #2. I'm officially taking a break from even checking the dating websites. They make me tired. Especially when I get messages like "I'm looking for a submissive - I'd even be willing to train you." I'm tempted to reply just to ask what it was in my profile that made him think I'd be interested. Ugh.

One of my favorite parts of nationals travel is that I get to share a hotel room with my friend Karen. We talk about many very important things, like how she can drink Diet Coke in the evening but it keeps me awake, which control top pantyhose are the best, and which fast food we crave most frequently. She did ask me this weekend if I missed Joe. The question surprised me, but the answer did not. No. I don't miss him. I actually had the thought at one quiet moment that I was glad I didn't have to find the time to text him. It makes me wonder if there will ever be anyone worth "finding the time for" - even when I'm exhausted and busy.

I'm going to try and post more frequently, even though April is stupid-busy. But there will be very little guy talk. The search will resume in May, when I'm home for more than a week at a time.

Week in Review

It's been a weird week . . .

• On Tuesday, I made a girl cry. It wasn't even intentional. After class, she came up to tell me why she wanted to give a speech on how to milk a cow. (WTF?) I suggested she might want to consider the audience, and if that would be relevant for them. She burst into tears and ran from the room. So awkward.

• I had my office broken into last night. I was on campus for our annual evening of forensics performances. The performances were AWESOME! When I got back to my office and opened my door, there was stuff all over the floor. Someone had broken in, dumped my purse, stolen the contents of my wallet (credit cards, gift cards) and meds. Thank goodness my good friend Karen was there to keep me from falling apart. I had started picking everything up when she told me I should probably leave it for when the cops got there. Have I mentioned I'm good at forensics, not forensic science? The cop got there (he was ridiculously good looking), got my statement, took DNA swabs. (Oh the irony of forensic evidence being collected in a forensics office.) We all thought it was weird the thief didn't take my purse or wallet, just the contents. It left me feeling a bit vulnerable.

• I'm ignoring a guy on eharmony because he lives more than an hour outside of Eau Claire. I'm just not up to doing the distance thing. Sad, because this is the first guy on eharmony I've actually gone through all the eharmony "stages" with. On PoF, I continue to get interesting messages. ("Interesting" as in "Uhm, no") For example, "Outdoorguy70: Loven Fun" works in a "faktry" and his only introduction is "I like moves any thing outdoors like snugel go four walks". Call me a picky snob, but spelling and grammar count. Interesting.

• I still find it really weird to be friends with Joe on FB. I figured I could quietly delete him after a week or two, but he comments frequently on my status. I think he'd notice if I deleted him, and I don't want him to feel bad. But I just don't know how to be friends with an ex. Ugh.

• Anonymous reported her first date went fine, but she was concerned there was no "fizzy" feeling, but they did laugh nearly the entire time. Laughing is good. I think it takes a while for the fizzy-lifting-drink feeling to make itself known. I recommended an activity based date (bowling, art gallery, brewery tour) as it gives you a chance to relax about having to come up with topics of conversation.

• It is rainy and gray outside, which makes me want to crawl back in bed and read a book. Unfortunately I have so much to do I can't even consider that option. I'm going to Netflix Law & Order so I can have my own all day marathon while I cook and do laundry.

• For those who celebrate Easter, HAPPY EASTER!!

Advice

Such! Exciting! News! I got my first "Ask Ms. Wright" question. I didn't even know I wanted questions, but it turns out, I do! (I'm a generally bossy person, so this really shouldn't be so surprising to me)

Here's the email question I received:

I have my first "meeting" with someone from a dating site tomorrow night. This is the first time I've done this... nervous, but just need to put my big girl panties on and do this, or I never will... anyway - thought I'd ask for some advice in good/helpful 'first date questions' that have been helpful for you in determining whether another "meeting" is worth trying :)

Signed, Anonymous in Wisconsin. Or Minnesota. Or Ontario.

And here was my answer:

GOOD FOR YOU for jumping back into the dating pool. It is so freaking hard. I waiver back and forth between seeing it as an adventure and being annoyed by the process. The best advice I can give is to try and limit your expectations. I feel like when I control my expectations, I get a better read on how the experience went.

Here are some of my favorite first-date questions:

Do you like your job? How long have you been doing your job?

Do you have pets?

Are you close with your family?

Did you grow up in MN?

Last movie you saw/book you read/TV show you Tivo?

Have you been doing the online dating very long?

What are you looking for in a partner?

Are you a sports fan?

 

Of course, don't ask a question you aren't prepared to answer, because most guys will add "what about you?" after answering a question. I also try really hard to be myself, which I think is easier said than done in a date situation!

I have a pretty good vibe by the end of the date if this is someone who is going to be voted off the dating island, or if they will vote me off the dating island. If we are on obviously opposing political sides, it’s probably not going to work. If one person does 90% of the talking, probably no. If I belly laugh more than a couple of times, I want to see the guy again. Unless he’s into Fox news. Then probably not.

The nice thing about first dates is that even if they are HORRIBLE, you can get out of them with a good story and a lesson learned. I’ve only ever been on 1 date that I seriously considered sneaking out of. If you are super nervous on how to get out of the date, have someone text you about an hour into the date. If you’re having a good time, don’t check your phone. If it’s horribly awkward, ask if you can check your phone to see if your friend let you know how her husband’s surgery went. Then panic when you find out it didn’t go well. I’ve never actually used this exit strategy, but then again, I tend to be pretty blunt about stuff and would just tell they guy he’s creeping me out and leave.

You need to definitely let me know how this goes! Just remember, the fate of the universe does not rest in the outcome of this date – so just relax and have fun!!!

I'm still waiting to hear from Anonymous how the date went. If it was a bad date, I hope there's a good story!

 

My dating life is non-existent at the moment. In the last week I've received emails from two 18-year olds and a 40 year old guy who apparently doesn't own shirts. Every single picture of him was shirtless . . . and that wasn't necessarily a good thing. I'm actually OK with my lack of dates right now because I have a humongously busy 6 weeks coming up. Serious searching for Mr. Wright will resume in May.

 

Until then, I welcome your questions on anything you would like explained. Since the name of my blog is "Ms. Wright Explains It All," I think I'll try and do just that.

 

Quilter Guy

This is not the worst date I've ever been on. I'll admit it, I had a bad attitude going into this first date with Quilter Guy. I think I was grumpy because here I was, again, getting ready to sell myself as a "great catch" and dang it all - it just takes so much energy. As I was getting all prettified, I gave myself a pep-talk. It went something like this:

"You will have a good time on this date!

It's fun getting to know new people!

He might be a great guy!

No, your ass doesn't look huge in that skirt!"

It kind of worked. This was the end result of my primping . . .

So I met Quilter Guy for lunch. Here was the good:

• He was taller than me
• He paid for lunch
• He really loves his job
• He has 4 kids and 10 grand kids, and it is obvious he is a proud papa!
• He had some get-to-know-you questions ready to ask me

The not-so-good:

• When I asked him about his religious beliefs, he said "The world started with Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" (and I nearly had a stroke trying not to roll my eyes)(Also - if this is what defines your religious beliefs, we are not on the same page)
• He mentioned how trashy he thought tattoos were on women. (and boy, did the conversation get awkward when I mentioned I had three tattoos)
• He clarified 3 times that he "was NOT gay!!" (He doth protest too much?)
• He apologized for using harsh language after saying something "sucked" (what the fuck?)
• He seemed uncomfortable making eye contact with me
• He asked a lot of questions, but never really let me answer. I think he was asking questions so he could answer them.
• Several times he felt the need to clarify that he hoped he didn't "sound like a sissy" or "sound like a woman" when he talked about liking to cook.

I feel like I should also take a look at this from Quilter Guys perspective. Here's how I think he would interpret the date:

 

The good:

• She's cute! Love that sweater she's wearing.
• She's great at conversation!

The not-so-good:

• She's trashy, too many tattoos
• What's with the Harry Potter obsession?
• Why does she keep eye-balling me?
• She reminds me of my good friend Greg. If I were gay, I would love Greg. But I'm NOT GAY!!

 

About half-way through the date it dawned on me - I think this may be a case of a gay man who was born and raised in a small town and has never been told there is a closet he is allowed to open. And I have to be honest, the thought made me really sad for him. This wasn't a horrid date, but it was awkward. And ended with the most awkward side-hug ever. I'm 100% sure there won't be a a second date, though perhaps we could meet up to exchange crafting tips?

 

 



Random Friday Thoughts

I have a first date with Quilter Guy today. We're going for lunch. I'm not really excited for it. I anticipate being bored. I need an attitude adjustment.

I was SUPER productive the first half of spring break. Grading? DONE! Assignment prep? DONE! Laundry? DONE! But yesterday and today? Not so much. I'm on a movie-watching binge. Finally saw The Sessions - it was so good! On a dare, I watched The Human Centipede. WTF?? All I can say is that the acting and special effects were better than Twilight - Breaking Dawn Part 2. Later today I'm going to finally watch Argo.

I have taken a nap every day this week. It has been glorious. I'm trying to figure out how to sneak in a nap at the office. If I tried this, I'd probably end up crashing backwards out of my desk chair. This makes me want a Lazy-boy in my office even more.

I've also discovered this week that Emergency is on Netflix. Roy! Johnny! (*swoon*) Dr. Kelly! This show was a fixture of my childhood. My mum & dad were instrumental in starting the volunteer EMS in my hometown in the 1970's and this show was crack for my family.

 

I need spring break to be over because late at night I get the compulsive urge to shop online. The UPS guy has been here every day this week. Not even joking. The good news is, I have some really cute new clothes/accessories/shoes to wear at AFA & NFA. The bad news is I'd best get my fat ass back to the gym or nothing will fit.

 

I have successfully skipped the gym every day this week.

 

My cats are cute, but they are jerks.





 

Cute



Cute

 

Cute

Jerks

While I've given myself permission to be completely lazy and unproductive today, tomorrow I have big plans. After cleaning my house, I'm going to devote my day to baking. I love baking. I have 2 cookie recipes to try, beer bread I want to make for the neighbors, and cake pops to experiment with. I may blog my culinary capers just so everyone can drool.

Jumping back into the pool

I'm trying to jump right back into the dating game. But it's hard when I have email exchanges like this:

medford123: want you

Me: want to know more about you

medford123: im jim Im 51 single 5ft6 muscular im a sweet guy like to meet you for intimacy

Me: good luck with that
*note: I didn't change any of the grammar/spelling of our exchange. I wanted to preserve the creepiness of it all.

I'm a little stumped which part of that was supposed to lure me in. I did get a short but sweet email from a guy I'm going to nickname "Quilter Guy." Guess what he does in his spare time? Makes quilts! I find that interesting and a little adorable.We chatted on the phone last night and tonight, and are meeting for a lunch date on Friday. He's very chatty, so if nothing else, I will have plenty of time to eat while he talks.

There's another guy on eharmony who contacted me and we are working our way through their 10,000 steps before we get to have an actual email conversation. He is definitely not someone I would usually be attracted to, but I'm very intrigued by him. We'll see if I actually make it to the end of the eharmony process.

Whew!

It's official. Joe and I are done. After some intensive girlfriend talk over coffee this morning (Thanks Karen - for asking just the right questions!) I was even more confident that I needed to end things with Joe. I tried to bribe Karen into going to see Joe for me, but she wasn't interested in making $1. So I went. . .

What was awkward was that I knew this conversation was coming, but Joe didn't. So as I was getting ready to leave EC, he was texting me about what he should make for supper. He didn't know that I wouldn't be staying for supper. So I ignored the texts. Juvenile? Perhaps. But I had no idea what to do. The entire drive, I practiced how I would get into the conversation. Karen actually gave me the catch-phrase I wanted to use: "This relationship has run its course." So I practiced using it in every scenario I could imagine.

When I got to Joe's house, he was on the phone with computer customer service. So I sat at the table, getting more and more nervous. He was upset that his new computer was delivered with a broken screen - he was having a bad day! And all I could think about was that I was going to make it worse. Ugh. About 15 minutes later, he was finally off the phone but I could tell he needed to decompress. So I did what any kind person would do . . . I listened. I wanted him to process his feelings of computer frustration so they didn't get mixed in with the conversation coming. Finally . . . It was time. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it included things like "I've had a great time getting to know you" "It's not you, it's me" and "This relationship has run it's course" - and then the most amazing thing happened . . . HE AGREED WITH ME! I don't know what I was expecting, but I was terrified this would blindside him. It didn't. He said he had been feeling the same, but didn't have the guts to say anything. (On a side note, this is one of the issues I had with him - I'd like a guy who will occasionally take the lead) He was relieved that I had the guts to say something. The most awkward part of the conversation was trying to figure out how to end it. So I gave him a hug and told him I hoped he found the right person for him. Then I got in my car and did a happy dance as soon as I turned the first corner. SUCH RELIEF!

So now, I'm back playing the dating game. In fact, I have a tentative first date on Friday. . . so yes, more stories to come . . .