Ugly cry

Thursday was the last day of class for the semester (yea!) and I headed home around noon, planning on nesting in to grade. But when I got home, I had no internet, so I couldn't grade. I was so mad and the cable company said they couldn't be out until Friday - UGH!

Then, I got a call from my doc's office. My appointment for Friday was cancelled because the doc was ill. This was the beginning of several hours of the "ugly cry." The receptionist had to think I was nuts, but I had reached my limit of pain tolerance. I was rescheduled for May 20th. I knew there was no way I would survive until then. I called the ortho office, ugly cried to that receptionist, who told me they had no appointments for at least a week.

At this point, I called my mum and ugly cried over the phone to her. I was trying to figure out if I should just go to the ER, because they someone would HAVE to treat me. As I was on the phone with mum, another call came in. It was from my doc's office. A different (new) rheumatologist had agreed to squeeze me in Friday morning. I ugly cried my gratitude.

So, Friday I head in for an appointment with Dr. M. He's the new guy in the department and he is my new favorite person in the whole entire world. He agreed I needed a cortisone injection. He explained each step of the process, even choosing a smaller needle so there would be less pain. My regular rheumatologist retires in August, and I am relieved to know there is another doc in the department I feel comfortable with!

There was some pain from the injection later in the day, but just 24 hours later and I have NO knee pain. It's amazing. No crutches, no cane, no limp. The relief could almost make me ugly cry all over again. This will be my first Vicodin-free day in a month and that makes me SO HAPPY!!

The Good News . . .

Is that I got an "emergency" appointment with my arthritis doctor on Friday. I let the receptionist know I was coming for a cortisone shot, lest there be any more confusion. I love my arthritis doc - she is patient, doesn't condescend, supports the choices I make (like going off my Enbrel b/c it interfered w/ my immunity to such an extent I was constantly sick) and stays up-to-date with new treatment options. The only problem is, she is really hard to get an appointment with. I saw her last in February and had scheduled an appointment with her for June. Only by the grace of God did she have an opening this Friday!!

I have a cousin who is a physical therapist, and she recommend I look into a TENS unit for help with pain. I'm going to speak with my doc about this on Friday, but I've already started researching it and there's some promising research on relief of arthritis pain. 

Hoping for some relief on Friday!!!

It's a party!!

Welcome to my Pity Party. It's a doozy. Be sure to bring your own prescription pain reliever because I'm not sharing.

Last fall when I was making the switch from walking outdoors to walking indoors on a treadmill I did something to my knee. It swelled up, was horribly painful and warm to the touch. Went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bursitis. Which in my mind is something that affects you when you are 90. A month of rest and ice, and it was all better.

Fast forward to April of this year. When we headed to Kansas for AFA, my knee kind of hurt. I walked a lot at AFA, and my knee swelled and hurt more. The bursitis was back. Then I spent 15 hours on a bus and my knee and spine (arthritis) were P.I.S.S.E.D. O.F.F.  I have never been so grateful that I didn't have to drive and could take all Vicodin I needed.

By the time I was back from all the April traveling, I had had enough and called the doc. I was taking more Vicodin than I ever had in my life (Vicodin will get it's very own post some day) and was in near constant pain. Of course, the doc (not my regular GP) said she couldn't do anything for me, and referred me to an ortho doc. I was told he would be able to give me a shot of cortisone into my knee and everything would be honky-dory.

Except that didn't happen. First, I had to explain to the ortho doc why I couldn't take nsaids (advil, aspirin, aleve) for inflammation. Then he told me I needed to lose weight (duh) and stay off of the knee for a month. Then he would consider a cortisone injection. He told me I should use a walker. I said no. I countered with the idea of a cane. He said no. We compromised on crutches, which I already own from when I dropped a TV on my foot 2 years ago (that was a fun experience).

I've now been on crutches for 2 days and the stress has caused a flare in the psoriatic arthritis in my hands, wrists and neck. I am just so frustrated and so fucking tired of being in pain.

I really need Shirley McClain to run screaming "GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!!!!!" (If you don't get that reference, you should be sad and ashamed that you are not living the fullest life possible because you've not seen "Terms of Endearment") But seriously, how many fucking doctors do I have to go through to get a damn cortisone shot in my knee. Of the 5 doctors I have seen in the last 2 months, every single one has offered to give me/refill my Vicodin rx, but I can't get anyone to give me actual pain relief.

I keep telling myself to "suck it up" and "it will get better" and all those other bullshit affirmations we tell ourselves. But it's not getting better. And it's causing a real crimp in my usually positive attitude.

So . . . I'm having a Pity Party! I'm serving Vicodin every 6 hours and ice to the knee every 4 hours. This is all being washed down with massive quantities of diet Pepsi. And since I can't really do anything, I'm throwing this Pity Party in my filthy house. With a view of my ugly yard that really needs some work. Come on over. But you may want to bring your own chair as mine are covered with cat hair and that isn't changing any time soon.

This is why I never had a freakin' diary

Because I would go gang-busters writing in it for a week, then I'd get bored and quit.

I'm not bored. And I'm not quitting. I'm just so freakin' TIRED!

After recovering for a week from our forensics trip to Kansas, 16 students & 4 coaches hopped on a bus and traveled FIFTEEN HOURS to Marshall University in West Virginia. Do you have any idea what FIFTEEN HOURS on a bus does to an old, chubby lady's body? It's not pretty. My bursitis in my right knee acted up. And by "acted up", I mean my knee developed a grapefruit sized lump and some pretty intense pain. The arthritis in my spine was also pretty pissed about the bus ride. Let's just say that I am indebted to whoever invented Vicodin.

So, we get to West Virginia, compete in a grueling 5 day marathon of speaking, and take NINTH PLACE IN THE COUNTRY!

My team!

My seniors!

This? Was pretty freakin' cool. Then? We got back on the bus for another FIFTEEN HOUR bus ride back to Eau Claire. I was home for less than 48 hours before getting on a plane and heading out with 2 students and my partner-in-crime to compete at the Interstate Oratory Contest. It's a national persuasion contest. It started in 1874. That's right. It's OLD.

And one of my girls placed THIRD IN THE COUNTRY!! This was even more freakin' cool.

What was also fun about Shreveport? The food. I tend to be pretty adventurous when it comes to trying different things. And in the south, craw fish are what it's all about. Craw fish, crawdads, mud bugs - whatever - I was going to not only try some, but "suck the head" just like the locals. It was an experience. Not really one I will try again, but interesting.

                             We also had beignets.

 

And crab cakes.

Then we flew home.

It is 5 days later and I STILL have tournament hangover. I also still have a knee the size of a grapefruit. This freaked the doc I went to see on Wednesday so much, she thought I had a blood clot. So I got to have my very first ultrasound. No blood clot - yea!! But no pain relief, just a referral to an ortho doc. I see her on Monday and am hoping she'll give me a shot of cortisone in my knee so I can get some relief. I know what you're thinking - a shot in the knee???!!! But seriously, it can't be as bad as this freakin' knee pain.

My travels also made me a fan of "freakin'" - I'm trying to swear less. It's hard. Fuckshitdamn.

Not to mention just how far behind I am on class stuff. And prepping for my summer class. And writing final exams. And grading. And organizing stuff for the forensics banquet. Since I'm so freakin' busy and so freakin' tired, I thought - why not start back at my summer job?!?

So that's what I did today. I've worked for the past 9-10 summers for a telephone answering service. It's pretty cool. We answer the phones for hundreds of businesses across the country. Massage Therapists, Veterinarians, Plumbers, Nail Salons, Chiropractors, Dentists, Psychics, Churches, Funeral Homes, Insurance Companies, Yacht rentals, Seminar Planners, Hospitals, Pharmacies, Lawyers - basically, if you have a phone that can be answered, we can do that for you!! I love the job for a couple of reasons - it is technologically challenging (lots and lots and lots of computer stuff) and it is also absolutely fascinating to interact with so many different kinds of people. The job also gives me the chance to laugh at the very "human-ness" of us all.

I was so excited to start today! And my first 3 calls were hang-ups . . . talk about a let-down. The human race didn't disappoint for long, though. We've all dialed a wrong number - most people just hang up, some apologize . . . and some want to know if you have the number of the chicken restaurant they were trying to call when they accidentally rang the chiropractors office. Why yes, I magically know the phone number of the place you don't even know the exact name of. Silly human.

I'm sure there will be many more fun stories to relay through the summer. At least I hope there will be, or it's going to be a looooong summer.

As for how my dating life is going . . .

 . . . I'm too freakin' tired to even think about it.

One more thing I will never understand . . .

I will never, ever understand someone who intentionally causes harm to others. I had some serious 9/11 flashbacks as I scrolled through news stories on the Boston bombing earlier today. The sense of helplessness and heartbreak chokes my soul. There is a panic that I feel when these things happen.

Then someone posted this on Facebook

And I went back to watch some of the news footage. And there, in the midst of chaos, were the helpers. They were holding hands, wrapping tourniquets, running full speed while pushing the injured in wheelchairs to the nearest hospital. They ran IN to the destruction. They walked through what seemed like oceans of blood. They were police officers, fire fighters, national guardsmen & women, spectators, racers. I read that some of the marathon runners who finished the race went to hospitals to donate blood. So many "helpers."

My heart breaks for the victims of this horrible incident. But it also swells in gratitude at the men and women who were the "helpers." I cannot imagine how they will begin to process what they saw and did today. I wish there was a way for me to thank the "helpers" - because they didn't just help those in Boston. They helped me remember that most people are kind and loving and good. I needed that reminder.

Things I will never understand . . .

1. Tights as pants.

These are NOT PANTS!! If your ass or underwear pattern can be clearly seen - YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG. I do not understand this trend. I find it disturbing. And wrong. Just wrong.

2. Why it's still OK to make fat jokes. I mean, people are getting the idea that disabled jokes, rape jokes, even some political jokes are just cruel and uncalled for. But it is still socially acceptable to mock the chubby people. I'm a chubby person with a blood pressure of 110/72, a cholesterol level of 180 and I've completed a triathlon. Chubby doesn't equal sloth. So knock off the jokes.

3. The Easter Bunny. Has there ever, in the history of the universe, been an Easter Bunny at the mall that WASN'T creepy?

Heck, I was the Easter Bunny at the mall when I was in college. Even I knew the costume was creepy as hell. And I got peed on by a 3 year old who was forced to sit on the creepy Easter Bunny's lap while his mum took a picture of him that I'm sure is still treasured today.

4. Why the Walmart is such an attraction for the Amish. I'm always self-conscious about my clothing and short hair when I wheel my cart full of electrical appliances past them. And how do they get there? Because there's no horse & buggy parking at the Walmart. Wouldn't the Walmart be the epitome of everything "English" that the Amish claim to eschew?

5. What "eschew" actually means.

6. Why students don't hand in assignments and then want extra-credit at the end of the semester. So, you want me to reward you with points for not doing something that was required for the class? That's like going car shopping, but instead of giving the car guy money for a car, you ask if you can just have one to drive around because you forgot your money. Uhm. No.

7. Why students text in class. Because unless you are waiting for a kidney transplant, you are just not that important.

8. Why I get ripped off for being single with no kids. For example, a single membership at a gym might be $300 a year, but for a couple, there's a discount so the price for two is $550. That means each of them pays $275. So, unless I go find a friend or stranger to pretend to be a couple, I have to pay more. This seriously sucks.

9. Why places won't let me order off the kids menu. If you think about it, most kids meals are actually the size of meals that an adult should eat. We've become so used to ginormous portions, they seem teeny. But when I'm trying to control how healthy I eat and want to order a kids meal (burger, apple slices and milk - pretty healthy!) I get shot down. Boo.

10. Why people are in love with Beyonce. She bugs me.

Ridiculous

It is ridiculous that I've not posted in over a week. Sorry. Life got in the way. I spent the last week taking my forensics team to the first of 3 national forensics tournaments. They won a trophy and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I have a week at home to catch up on laundry, grading, cleaning and sleeping, then it's off to national tournament #2. I'm officially taking a break from even checking the dating websites. They make me tired. Especially when I get messages like "I'm looking for a submissive - I'd even be willing to train you." I'm tempted to reply just to ask what it was in my profile that made him think I'd be interested. Ugh.

One of my favorite parts of nationals travel is that I get to share a hotel room with my friend Karen. We talk about many very important things, like how she can drink Diet Coke in the evening but it keeps me awake, which control top pantyhose are the best, and which fast food we crave most frequently. She did ask me this weekend if I missed Joe. The question surprised me, but the answer did not. No. I don't miss him. I actually had the thought at one quiet moment that I was glad I didn't have to find the time to text him. It makes me wonder if there will ever be anyone worth "finding the time for" - even when I'm exhausted and busy.

I'm going to try and post more frequently, even though April is stupid-busy. But there will be very little guy talk. The search will resume in May, when I'm home for more than a week at a time.