I got completely crazy last night and drank TWO gin and tonics. I was celebrating a successful forensics work day, drinking a toast (2 toasts!) to the alumni who came back to critique the hard, amazing work the team is doing.
I love gin. I keep the good stuff in my fridge so it's always ready to go. The weird thing is, I often talk about having a cocktail, but don't actually drink that often. I think my last cocktail was maybe April? And since I have a re-arranged digestive tract, alcohol affects me in an odd way. Two sips of a G&T and I'm pretty buzzed. But 20-30 minutes after finishing my cocktail and I'm completely sober again. Weird body.
What's also weird? I never know which joints in my body are going to rebel. I'm on Humira for psoriatic arthritis, but also have regular run-of-the-mill Osteo-arthritis. The Humira prevents the joints affected by PA from getting worse, and controls a lot of the pain. Unfortunately, some joints are so far gone, they still hurt a lot. And changes in the weather make my OA go crazy. This morning I can barely move my right shoulder and my toes don't want to bend.
I have to make wardrobe decisions based on what joints are working and which ones are being assholes. Last Thursday, I had a great outfit picked out for teaching. I had to change outfits because my toes wouldn't bend to fit into the heels that completed the look. Ridiculous? Perhaps. But sometimes outfits don't work without a sassy pair of heels.
Another weird wardrobe conundrum? If I'm having neck issues (I have severe degeneration in my neck, and sometimes it doesn't want to turn, which is a pain in the ass. Er, neck.) I have to avoid anything that puts weight on my neck. That means avoiding anything that pulls my neck forward, like a collared shirt or a necklace of any kind. Sometimes I'll wear a necklace to work, only to take it off after a couple of hour because it's pull on my neck adds to the irritation and pain.
And don't even get me started on rings. I love rings. Love Love Love rings. My favorite ring is one my mum gave me several years ago for Christmas. It's her class ring. It is beautiful, intricate, classic and I seriously treasure it. But I'm lucky if I can wear it once or twice a week. PA makes joints swell - and my PA is the worst in my fingers, toes and spine. So one day, I'll wear a ring and the next day I can't get it past the first knuckle because of joint swelling.
The best exercise I've found for this weird wonky-jointed body is water aerobics. And I think I'm finally getting into a pattern of going. I even got some fancy new hydro-sport trainers.
The great thing about water aerobics is that I get a great workout, which I feel in my muscles the next day. But it doesn't add to my joint pain, which is AWESOME! Sometimes, if I'm have a bad hand day, I can't hold onto the kickboards, but the instructor is great and works with my limitations. It's a relief to know I can strengthen my body without irritating the joints.
So, there you have it. That's my rant/whine on this weird body.
So. Pay-it-forward guy didn't call. We had an awkward text conversation:
Then . . . nothing. I have to admit, I was kind of bummed. I wanted to get to know him, but I guess I wasn't his type. It's a hit to the ego, but I'm trying to trust that there's a good reason why we didn't move to a second date. In fact, I've come up with some pretty good scenarios. Like, maybe he's a serial killer and he could tell I'd take him down in a fight. Or he's a sexist pig who realized I was not ever going to be his "little lady." Or maybe he's a former mob boss in the witness protection program. Yea, I bet that's it.
Instead of continuing to obsess about why I wasn't "good enough" (because that is what my mind always wants to believe - stupid mind) I'm working on finding a healthy work/life balance. I decided before the semester even began that I wanted to work very hard at staying healthy - physically, mentally, spiritually. It's hard. Something that has a HUGE effect on my physical health is stress. And one of the best antidotes to stress is getting enough sleep. Most people I know do well on 7-8 hours of sleep a night. While I can survive on that amount, I have more issues with arthritis pain. The perfect amount of sleep for me is 9-10 hours a night. In our culture, this is an obnoxious amount. That extra couple of hours sleep means I have fewer hours to get things done. Most nights, I'm in bed between 9-10pm - which officially means I am an old person and should get early entry into AARP. When I get enough sleep, I am so much more productive. I have less pain and I can really enjoy my job. So, this semester, I am making sleep a priority.
I'm also making working out a regular thing. Monday and Wednesday evenings (and Saturday mornings when I'm in town) I head to an hour of water fit classes. I really love the instructor, and every workout is a challenge - but my stress level is near zero after a class. Love that!
So, I may not have the time or energy to look for Mr. Wright, but I'm spending that energy on being healthy - and that feels pretty good.
Huh. I dislike first dates so much, I find myself really surprised when I have fun.
This was a fun date. Comfortable. Easy. Laid back. Pay-it-forward guy is funny. And easy to talk to. And interesting. He had his own repo-business for about 10 years and has some great stories. He seemed interested in getting to know me. And he's really cute. And has a great smile. There was no awkwardness. (Except our server was one of my new students. Ufdah.) I like this guy. I want a second date.
What is going to drive me crazy is figuring out if the feeling is mutual. We talked about getting together again, but in a casual-no-plans-were-actually-made way.
How long do I wait before I send a casual text thanking him for dinner and letting him know I enjoyed getting to know him?
What if he thought I was completely weird and couldn't wait for the date to end?
But I swear, there was a spark. What if I was the only one who sparked? If he didn't spark could he tell I sparked?
This is ridiculous. It was just a first date.
But I really want a second date.
Talked with Pay-it-forward guy tonight. He doesn't live with his parents, has 2 cats, and we have a date tomorrow night.
Miracles never cease . . .
There is something magical about the first day of class. I love it. I hate it. Mostly, I hate the severe nerves that hit before I meet a class for the first time. I had 3 classes today, and laughed for real in every one - that's a great start! The only downside was the 12 hour day - ufdah. I taught from 8-9:15am, 12:30 - 1:45 and 5-7:45. It was a long freakin day. But a really good one.
It's funny. I've wanted to be a teacher since I was very young. My grandmother was a much loved 4th grade teacher, and my Aunt Evadne was a much loved Kindergarten teacher. I guess you could say teaching is in my blood. When I started college, I started as an elementary ed major. My first visit to an elementary classroom made me quickly realize I would lose my mind if I had to deal with little tiny people on a regular basis. I changed my major to secondary ed, speech & theater. I loved student teaching at the high school level, but it wasn't as fulfilling as I'd imagined.
When a series of freak events led me to teaching college, I knew I was where I was supposed to be. I love challenging students, and having them challenge me back! There is something that stirs my soul when a student uses critical thinking to solve a problem or present a solution I'd never even considered. I get to meet students when they are just getting settled into the idea of being an adult. There is a mix of bravado and insecurity that I find charming and inspiring. And invigorating. These students make me want to be better a better teacher. A better mentor. A better adult. It really is true that I learn as much from my students as they learn from me. I am so very, very lucky that I get to do this job. It's going to be a challenging, exciting, exhausting, joyful semester. And I'm so glad it's begun!
PS:
In dating news, I went out on a limb and left messages for a couple of guys on PoF. And guess what? A couple messaged me back, so we are playing that back and forth game. One (I'll call him Pay-it-Forward Guy) gave me his phone number, so I'm going to bite the bullet and call him tomorrow night. From his profile, he seems like a kind, down-to-earth guy. I have no idea if he lives with his parents - whoops. Maybe our conversation will turn into a date this weekend?
The great thing about being set up on a date, is the date has been "pre-screened" to some extent. I was surprised how relaxed I was going into the date. Set-up Guy is very nice, easy to talk to - there just wasn't a "connection." Even so, it was a relief to not worry that it was going to be a horrid date. So. If anyone else knows someone they'd like to set me up with, just let me know - I'm game!
School starts in 6 days and I can't wait. Seriously. I still have some class prep to do, and a ton of forensics reading - but I miss the students so much. I already have my first-day-of-class outfit planned. Woo-Hoo!
This weather sucks. I am so over the heat and humidity. It's supposed to cool down by Tuesday when classes start, which is really good news. Hopefully, I won't sweat on everyone in the front row. The first day of class makes me nervous. "Hope-I-won't-vomit-on-anyone" nervous. I have the irrational fear that I will accidentally do something ridiculous on the first day - like fart. Or fall on my face. Or snort-laugh.
Today was spent in endless meetings. I hate meetings. Really, really hate them. But today, they weren't so bad. It helps I have a department chair that has her shit together so we don't waste time on crap that doesn't matter. Today we made some big decisions and have great forward momentum going into the year. There was also cake. I love cake. It was the best part of the day.
When I got home, I mowed the lawn weeds. I had not used the mower since before I went to Ohio, but because we've had no rain, my grass is dead and only the weeds grow. I'm guessing I'll only have to mow one more time before I'm done for the summer!
I've not checked any dating websites in forever. I signed onto PoF and had a message waiting from a week ago. Guy asks if he can make dinner for me. I told him I'd need to know more about him, like what super power he would choose if he were a super hero. We'll see if I scared him off or not :-) I did check out a few guys on PoF and even sent messages to a couple of them. This will only be interesting if I hear back from any of them! We shall see . . .
I had a blister. On my eyeball. On. My. Freakin. EYEBALL. My eyes were itchy all afternoon, so I put a cold pack on them and took a 2 hour nap (sleeping through a storm that took out power) - and when I woke up, my eyes hurt. After looking in the mirror, I freaked out. Twenty minutes before urgent care closed, I raced across town to see the doc. She was pretty sure it was an allergy induced reaction and prescribed an antibiotic and eye drops. The next day, it was worse. Luckily, had an appointment with my rheumatologist, who checked my eye again and recommended a day of "eye rest" - that meant no computer, no TV, no reading. I was to put cold packs on my eyes as often as possible and max out on Benedryl. Besides trying to not lose my mind out of boredom, I had to cancel my date.
You heard me right. I was supposed to be going on a first date but had to cancel because I had a blister ON MY FREAKING EYEBALL!! So where did this guy come from? Well, he's a set-up from a friend. I have never in my 32 years of dating gone out with someone who I met through a friend. Let's call him "Set-up Guy." We chatted Monday and made plans to meet up at music in the park on Thursday. I texted him yesterday, letting him know I had to cancel. He called back and we talked for about an hour. (This is a good sign, usually I find phone conversations awkward) He recommended we meet at a local bar to watch the Packer game tonight instead.
Seriously?? This is like a dream-come-true date for me! The good news is, my eyes are better. The bad news is . . . well, there is no bad news. I'm actually looking forward to this date. Maybe it's because I have forgotten the pain of a first date because it's been so long. Maybe it's because Set-up Guy is so easy to talk to on the phone. Maybe it's because I'll get to watch the Packer game which I wouldn't get to do at home because I don't have cable. But for whatever reason, I think it's going to be a good date. Better than a sharp stick in the eye.
