In honor of the nearly excruciating pain my tailbone is causing (arthritis flare - no clue why, but DAMN) I'm going to list 10 things I'm grateful for. Because I need happy thoughts in my head to distract me.
10. My mum and sister are visiting me for spring break. They will be here in 38 days!!
9. We are hosting our annual forensics tournament this weekend and I will get to see so many friends!
8. Really happy my pipes have not frozen again.
7. Eau Claire has gotten a lot of snow, but not as much as areas south of here. I'm grateful our snow is still "manageable."
6. So happy I had a recorded power point lecture I could put online for my afternoon class, which meant we didn't have to meet in the classroom, and I could come home and take pain meds.
5. I love that there are libraries and I can check out movies for FREE!
4. Thank you Crystal Light for creating your lemonade. I adore it.
3. So excited to see many, many forensics alumni this weekend.
2. There are few things as comforting as chai tea.
1. Except for electric blankets. But an electric blanket + chai tea = comfort bliss!
On a side note, I've been watching some Oscar movies while laying on my stomach in bed (which is where I am writing this from) because that's the only way I get some pain relief. I can check Argo (which I liked more than I thought I would) and Midnight Cowboy (uhm . . . not a fan) off my list.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Teachable Moments
Yes, the Super Bowl was Super Boring (what game starts with a safety? I mean, seriously?) but, surprisingly, so were the commercials! Even so, I managed to find some that fit perfectly into class discussions - so I guess I didn't completely waste time watching the game.
In my public speaking class today, we were talking about cultural diversity. I always start with a discussion on the concept of white privilege. Given that 99% of my students are white, this discussion is always interesting. Many students get defensive at the words, they equate "white privilege" with "racist." I work very hard to guide them to an understanding that they do have advantages because of their ethnic makeup, but those advantages can be used for "good" or for "evil" - kind of like superpowers.
After seeing the Coca-Cola "America the Beautiful" commercial (which you can see here) during the Super Bowl, I knew it was the perfect commercial to play during our class discussion. Then I caught some of the comments being posted online about the commercial . . .
"
In my public speaking class today, we were talking about cultural diversity. I always start with a discussion on the concept of white privilege. Given that 99% of my students are white, this discussion is always interesting. Many students get defensive at the words, they equate "white privilege" with "racist." I work very hard to guide them to an understanding that they do have advantages because of their ethnic makeup, but those advantages can be used for "good" or for "evil" - kind of like superpowers.
After seeing the Coca-Cola "America the Beautiful" commercial (which you can see here) during the Super Bowl, I knew it was the perfect commercial to play during our class discussion. Then I caught some of the comments being posted online about the commercial . . .
"
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Mood Music
Every year in forensics, we pick a "team song." In addition, Karen (the DoF) puts together a "team tape," which used to be an actual cassette tape that took hours to put together, but is now a CD. In the spring, the senior class is charged with putting together a new team tape. It still starts with the team song, but the rest of the musical choices are up to the seniors.
This year we have just one senior, but dang did he ever do a fantastic job of putting together the spring team tape! There are so many songs I'm falling in love with and trying to learn the words to! But there is one that I am completely enamored of. So enamored, I have it playing on repeat in my car. I can't help but be HAPPY when I listen to it.
Driving home today, I was listening and singing and car-dancing. Stopped at a red light, I glanced to my right, only to find a car full of high-school kids mimicking my car-dancing moves and laughing hysterically. I should have been embarrassed, but this song makes me so happy I didn't even care!
If you need to get to a happy place, listen to this . . . Gonna Have a Good Day!
This year we have just one senior, but dang did he ever do a fantastic job of putting together the spring team tape! There are so many songs I'm falling in love with and trying to learn the words to! But there is one that I am completely enamored of. So enamored, I have it playing on repeat in my car. I can't help but be HAPPY when I listen to it.
Driving home today, I was listening and singing and car-dancing. Stopped at a red light, I glanced to my right, only to find a car full of high-school kids mimicking my car-dancing moves and laughing hysterically. I should have been embarrassed, but this song makes me so happy I didn't even care!
If you need to get to a happy place, listen to this . . . Gonna Have a Good Day!
Saturday, January 25, 2014
And the Oscar goes to . . .
One of the items on my 50 before 50 list is to watch all the movies that have won the Academy Award for "Best Picture." To begin, I dug up a list of them. There are 85 on the list. As of yesterday morning, I had seen 31 of the movies, which are crossed out below. (I've also given them my ranking on a scale of 5 stars.) As of yesterday evening, I've now seen 32. With 53 movies left to watch, I'm going to need to watch 2-3 per month in order to check this off my 50/50 list. Time to get crackin'!
The first movie to win the Academy Award for Best Picture, "Wings" is a silent film. At 2 hours and 20 minutes, it is also a looooooong film. Ufdah. The basic plot (from IMDB) is: "Two young men, one rich, one middle class, who are in love with the same woman, become fighter pilots in World War I." I was bored through 85% of it. Lots of long, dramatic reaction shots - tons of footage of planes flying and crashing - and then, of course, there is all that reading that has to happen if I'm to follow the plot. When I watch movies, I usually crochet, because then I feel like I'm not wasting time. This was kind of hard to do because of, you know, the reading!
Though I was kind of annoyed (for lack of a better word) watching the movie, it managed to surprise me, in the end. There was quite an unexpected twist. If the movie were made today, it could be well done with a running time of 1:30, but the budget would be through the roof because of all the flying scenes required. I give "Wings" 2/5 stars.
I have "The Broadway Melody" ordered from the library to watch next. I think this will be an interesting experiment. When I was checking off the movies I'd seen, I was surprised - both at those I'd already seen, and those I haven't. I know the plot to Rocky and Kramer vs. Kramer, but have never actually watched them.
1927/1928 - "Wings" 1/24/2014 **
The first movie to win the Academy Award for Best Picture, "Wings" is a silent film. At 2 hours and 20 minutes, it is also a looooooong film. Ufdah. The basic plot (from IMDB) is: "Two young men, one rich, one middle class, who are in love with the same woman, become fighter pilots in World War I." I was bored through 85% of it. Lots of long, dramatic reaction shots - tons of footage of planes flying and crashing - and then, of course, there is all that reading that has to happen if I'm to follow the plot. When I watch movies, I usually crochet, because then I feel like I'm not wasting time. This was kind of hard to do because of, you know, the reading!
Though I was kind of annoyed (for lack of a better word) watching the movie, it managed to surprise me, in the end. There was quite an unexpected twist. If the movie were made today, it could be well done with a running time of 1:30, but the budget would be through the roof because of all the flying scenes required. I give "Wings" 2/5 stars.
I have "The Broadway Melody" ordered from the library to watch next. I think this will be an interesting experiment. When I was checking off the movies I'd seen, I was surprised - both at those I'd already seen, and those I haven't. I know the plot to Rocky and Kramer vs. Kramer, but have never actually watched them.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Dumb
Today I have successfully completed 3 tasks: 1) I did my taxes. 2) I got our new forensics treasurer set up on the checking account. 3) I did dishes.
This shouldn't be newsworthy. But my get-up-and-go has gone-off-and-left. So accomplishing even one task made me happy. Three tasks? Ecstatic! So what's my problem? I have no idea. There is a part of me that thinks there may be some depression rearing it's ugly head. I usually fight with it this time of year, and blame the short days. This year I think it's worse because I'm still having anxiety issues.
And ya'll - Anxiety is dumb dumb dumb. It makes me feel dumb. Because logically, I can reason through things. But the anxiety makes it nearly impossible to find my logic. Example? I am terrified nearly every! single! day! that when I come home from work I will find I either have frozen pipes or my house will be flooded from a burst pipe. Some days I don't want to leave the house because I feel like if I stay here, nothing will happen. Other days, I don't want to come home because I'm terrified of what I will find. NONE of these thoughts are logical. And as I sit here writing this, I am reminded of just how ridiculous the scenarios are. But when I am in the moment with them, I can't find my way out of them.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm in therapy. I had my first appointment this week, and like my therapist, B, very much. It's funny, though - I like the idea of therapy, but find the practice of it to be weird. B has suggested that when I realize I'm obsessing over something to yell "STOP!" in my head and distract myself with something else. So far, I've managed to recognize an obsessive episode just once while it was happening (after the fact, I can point them out, but have trouble recognizing them when they are happening.) I was at home and actually yelled "STOP!" out loud and scared the crap out of the cats. Their reactions made me laugh so hard that they distracted me from the anxiety-producing thought. So, I guess it worked?
It pisses me off that I can't make my brain work the way I want it to. It's irritating that I have to "work" at having a brain that doesn't get caught in a loop of anxiety. It makes me feel weak and needy - two feelings that I absolutely hate.
Tomorrow, my goal is to again accomplish 3 tasks. First, however, I'll have to get out of bed in the morning. And sometimes that is the most difficult task of all.
This shouldn't be newsworthy. But my get-up-and-go has gone-off-and-left. So accomplishing even one task made me happy. Three tasks? Ecstatic! So what's my problem? I have no idea. There is a part of me that thinks there may be some depression rearing it's ugly head. I usually fight with it this time of year, and blame the short days. This year I think it's worse because I'm still having anxiety issues.
And ya'll - Anxiety is dumb dumb dumb. It makes me feel dumb. Because logically, I can reason through things. But the anxiety makes it nearly impossible to find my logic. Example? I am terrified nearly every! single! day! that when I come home from work I will find I either have frozen pipes or my house will be flooded from a burst pipe. Some days I don't want to leave the house because I feel like if I stay here, nothing will happen. Other days, I don't want to come home because I'm terrified of what I will find. NONE of these thoughts are logical. And as I sit here writing this, I am reminded of just how ridiculous the scenarios are. But when I am in the moment with them, I can't find my way out of them.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm in therapy. I had my first appointment this week, and like my therapist, B, very much. It's funny, though - I like the idea of therapy, but find the practice of it to be weird. B has suggested that when I realize I'm obsessing over something to yell "STOP!" in my head and distract myself with something else. So far, I've managed to recognize an obsessive episode just once while it was happening (after the fact, I can point them out, but have trouble recognizing them when they are happening.) I was at home and actually yelled "STOP!" out loud and scared the crap out of the cats. Their reactions made me laugh so hard that they distracted me from the anxiety-producing thought. So, I guess it worked?
It pisses me off that I can't make my brain work the way I want it to. It's irritating that I have to "work" at having a brain that doesn't get caught in a loop of anxiety. It makes me feel weak and needy - two feelings that I absolutely hate.
Tomorrow, my goal is to again accomplish 3 tasks. First, however, I'll have to get out of bed in the morning. And sometimes that is the most difficult task of all.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Unexpected
Last week, I had the oddest, most amazing, most humbling thing happen. I've been trying to figure out how to blog about it, but that means I have to figure out how I feel about it. And that's the difficult part. Now that I've mostly recovered from the flu, I want to do this experience justice and document the array of emotions and lessons this event drew me through.
A benefactor, who wishes to remain anonymous, told me last week that s/he wanted to make a donation to pay off some of my plumbing/water heater bills. This took me by such complete surprise, I was literally breathless. I didn't know what to say. I was touched and honored, but my first reaction was to refuse. I told this friend how amazing the offer was, but that there were people in much needier situations and I would be so happy to have the money go to someone in true need. After assuring me that s/he donated to some very needy causes, it was made clear that this wasn't something that I would be allowed to easily refuse. And so, with as much grace as I could muster, I accepted the gift.
And here's where the emotions get tricky. There is no question that this financial act of kindness is needed - I am literally more relaxed because this makes my budget infinitely less scary. But to accept this gift means I'm admitting need. I find that to be incredibly humbling. Why is it so very easy to give to others, in large and small ways, but so very hard to graciously accept a kindness that comes our way? It has gotten me thinking about the bravery it must take for a parent to step into a food pantry and ask for help in putting food on the table. Or how hard it must be to maintain a sense of self-worth when public assistance is the only thing keeping a roof over your family's heads. To be a receiver of kindness and charity is overwhelming and humbling.
I don't know that I can every fully express the depth of gratitude I have for this incredible kindness. I hope my benefactor can know the joy their gift brought to my life. I hope they experience that joy 10-fold. I do know that I will strive to honor the kindness by paying it forward every opportunity I get. And I will never forget the courage it takes to accept kindness, whatever form it comes in.
A benefactor, who wishes to remain anonymous, told me last week that s/he wanted to make a donation to pay off some of my plumbing/water heater bills. This took me by such complete surprise, I was literally breathless. I didn't know what to say. I was touched and honored, but my first reaction was to refuse. I told this friend how amazing the offer was, but that there were people in much needier situations and I would be so happy to have the money go to someone in true need. After assuring me that s/he donated to some very needy causes, it was made clear that this wasn't something that I would be allowed to easily refuse. And so, with as much grace as I could muster, I accepted the gift.
And here's where the emotions get tricky. There is no question that this financial act of kindness is needed - I am literally more relaxed because this makes my budget infinitely less scary. But to accept this gift means I'm admitting need. I find that to be incredibly humbling. Why is it so very easy to give to others, in large and small ways, but so very hard to graciously accept a kindness that comes our way? It has gotten me thinking about the bravery it must take for a parent to step into a food pantry and ask for help in putting food on the table. Or how hard it must be to maintain a sense of self-worth when public assistance is the only thing keeping a roof over your family's heads. To be a receiver of kindness and charity is overwhelming and humbling.
I don't know that I can every fully express the depth of gratitude I have for this incredible kindness. I hope my benefactor can know the joy their gift brought to my life. I hope they experience that joy 10-fold. I do know that I will strive to honor the kindness by paying it forward every opportunity I get. And I will never forget the courage it takes to accept kindness, whatever form it comes in.
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