I need to go to the Walmart so I can get some grocery shopping done for my mum & sister's visit. But I feel like if I wait just a bit all the crazy "I'm going to run to the Walmart on my way home from work" people will be home eating dinner, and I'll have the store all to myself. So that gives me about 30 minutes to write an honest-to-goodness blog entry.
Remember the student I wrote about last month, who made the incredibly racist comment in my public speaking class? Well, "F" has become a problem child. A thorn in my foot. A pain in the ass. The bane of my existence.
Let me explain . . . a couple of weeks after his awkward declaration in class, students gave personal narrative speeches. F chose to self-disclose that he had previously flunked out of college, been in trouble with the law and was only a month out of rehab. I felt bad for the kid. If I had only known . . .
Around the time of the speeches, I pulled F aside after class and reminded him that he needed to be on-time for our 8am class. See, I have a policy that students get 3 absences before their grade is affected. I also keep track of when they are late - 3 late appearances = 1 absence. F had already racked up 8 late appearances. When I reminded him of this policy (which I explain on the first day of class AND is spelled out in the syllabus) he freaked out. He said he was unaware of such a policy. I reminded him that he should have known. He was freaking out so bad, telling me he would never, ever be late again, that I took a deep breath and gave him a break. I told him I would ignore his previous late appearances, but any future late arrivals would be counted. He promised he would never be late again. And he kept that promise . . . for exactly 0 classes.
This past Tuesday, I again pulled him aside after class and informed him that he had 4 late appearances that would be counted against him and he needed to get to class on time. He blamed the bus for being late. I told him to catch an earlier bus. Blah Blah Blah . . . he promised to never be late again. Whatever.
Later in the morning, I received a panicked email from him, requesting a meeting with me ASAP. I had a clear hour at 1pm and told him to stop by then. He came into my office and said (I'm quoting him word-for word) "We have a test on Thursday so you have to send me all your notes and Power Point slides. I have ADD so I get special help. It's required by the university."
What. The. Fuck.
I asked him why I was just hearing about this now and why on earth would I send him information he should already have. He just stood there, looking at me with the most shocked expression on his face. "But, you have to!" he told me. Then he started in on a diatribe that lasted about 10 minutes. Here are the high points:
- "I just never imagined you would be so unfair."
- "I didn't know about the test until today." (Uhm, it's been on the syllabus since day 1 and I've also talked about it every class period for the last 2 weeks.)
- "No, I don't have any documentation, but you can talk to my advisor about it."
- "Why are you being so defensive? You are acting like you don't want to help me."
In conversations I've had with both his advisor and the SSD (Services for Students with Disabilities) office, I've learned that this kid has an excuse for everything. He's not currently registered with the SSD office, and he apparently called their office in a panic and was then so belligerent that the woman trying to help him nearly hung up on him. He is required to get reassessed every semester (his excuse? He didn't know he had to do that) and he told the SSD office he didn't have time to meet with them, and said he felt discriminated against. His advisor highly doubts he spent time in rehab (based on work history and classes he took at a community college after he was kicked out of our institution) and was not surprised that he was always late for class.
This is a kid who has learned to lie, cheat and steal his way through life and it really sucks that I'm going to be the butt of his anger when he realizes just how little he gets to manipulate me. It sucks that I'm having to document every interaction because I know, at some point, he is going to claim I had it in for him. It sucks that his parents (or whoever raised him) had a hand in making him feel that he is entitled to every exception.
Today, we had our test. He actually showed up on time. He spent the entire 75 minutes vocally yawning (I asked him to quiet down twice) and sighing loudly when he came to a question he didn't know - which was often. He asked me the definition of the following words: monologue, instantaneous and relevant. With several students still left in the room taking the exam, he loudly asked why I had made the test so hard, would there be a chance for extra credit and made it known he didn't think the test was "fair."
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! It's already a stressful semester, but this kind of pain-in-the-ass student added on top of it is seriously stressing me out. It's hard to wear the hat of a "neutral" teacher when I personally dislike him.
So. That's my fun story of the day. Now I'm off to fight the crowds at the Walmart.
Dear Blog,
I have been neglecting you. Partly on purpose, partly on accident. Why? I'll give you 3 reasons.
1. I'm lazy.
2. I've been spending every spare moment cleaning my house fro top to bottom because MY MUM AND SISTER ARE COMING TO VISIT!!!
3. Every other spare moment I've been grading my fool head off, just trying to keep up.
I am 1 test, 1 lecture, 7 coaching appointments, and 8 hours of forensics nationals prep away from Spring Break. Not that I'm counting.
So, we had a snow storm scheduled to hit Thursday night. Predictions were for 8-12", though some forecast models said up to 15". I was freaking out a little because I already have about 1.5 feet of snow on my roof. And I was worried much more would bury my chimney, which would mean my furnace wouldn't work and I would freeze to death. (Me? Over dramatic? Pshaw.) I was also starting to worry about the snow piled up on the awning at the front of my house. It was time to do something to make sure my awning didn't come crashing down from the weight of the snow!
I started by purchasing a roof rake. A roof rake looks like this
And you use it like this
So I started calling hardware stores in EC. Nearly every person laughed when I asked if they had any roof rakes in stock, because apparently everyone is a procrastinator like me. But Thompson's True Value Hardware had just gotten some in stock, and better yet, they would hold one for me until I finished teaching and could get there to pick it up!
At 11, I finished teaching and headed to pick up my shiny new $60 roof rake. I bought what was, literally, the last one in Eau Claire! Once home, I piled on long johns, jeans, 2 pairs of socks, 3 layered shirts, hat and wool gloves . . . I looked a bit like this
and I headed out to the adventure of roof raking. Once put together, the roof rake is 16 feet long, so manipulating it takes some practice. My goal quickly switched from removing snow to removing snow without taking out a window! I started with the front awning. Once I got the hang of it, it was kind of cool. I was pulling huge chunks of snow off the awning, creating a substantial pile on the walkway. Once I was done with the awning, I needed to head around back to get snow off the chimney area. Here's where it got interesting. See, there is about 3-4 feet of snow piled up in my front yard. As I started breaking a trail in the snow, I quickly realized this was going to be the hardest part of roof raking. I sort of looked like this
Only not nearly that cute. And with snow nearly as high as my waist in places, it took about 10 minutes just to get to the other side of the house! Plus, I was dragging a 16 foot window-breaking-ice-removing-tool. Once I got around to the back, it was tricky figuring out exactly where the chimney was. Getting the snow off the back of the house was a bit trickier as it was a bigger reach with the roof rake. Finally, I was finished. My legs were frozen, my gloves were sopping wet and I was actually sweating from the hard work. I was exhausted!
Then, it dawned on me I had to make my way back to the front of the house. I was ready to lay down and take a nap in the snow. As I started the arduous trek back, I realized the road was a lot closer than trudging all the way around the house through the snow. So, I made a bee-line for the road.
And then I got stuck. I took a step and sunk in snow up to my waist. I was literally stuck - couldn't move forward, couldn't move backward. I realized my error was forgetting that the snow piled at the edge of the road was 5+ feet. I'm 5'4". As my legs grew more numb with every passing second, I formulated a plan . . . I earthworm-crawled onto my belly so I was laying on top of the snow. And then I rolled to the edge of the snow pile. I remember hoping that no-one was watching my awkward roll to freedom. Or filming it. Next time, I need to remember to borrow some snow-shoes.
I am happy to report that we only got 8" of snow, but it was very dense, wet, heavy snow. Getting my roof raking done was a good choice, because just 2 streets down from me, this happened
The victim is just fine, but I couldn't help but be grateful that it wasn't me!
It stopped snowing in the wee hours of Friday morning, and my neighbors snow-blowed my drive. (Gosh, they are amazing!) I had to go in to do some coaching Friday afternoon, and found this on the other side of the garage.
That's right, huge tree branches that came within inches of taking out my garage.
I'm counting myself extremely lucky that my garage and car were spared. Any more snow, and my house might be completely buried.
I am quite ready for snow and cold weather (we are back in the teens and single digits, with below zero temps in the coming week) to be done! Though I have to admit, it sure is pretty.
In the days since my last post, the following things have happened:
Feb 14th: I drove my forensics team to Ripon, Wisconsin to compete in the state forensics tournament. I also ran the tournament, which meant I was feeling stressed.
Feb 15th: My team won the Wisconsin Collegiate Forensics Association State Tournament for the 22nd consecutive year. HELL YEA!!! We also drove home on roads that were total crap due to snow.
Feb 16th: Because every person I know has been going on and on about how freaking great "House of Cards" is, I decided to watch an episode. Damn it. It really is that good. So I spent the rest of Sunday binge-watching the entire first season. I am still recovering, emotionally.
Feb 17th: Still suffering a bit from tournament (and House of Cards) hangover, I was trying to figure out how to have enough energy to teach class. Then I remembered I was giving a test, and I did a happy dance. But just a little dance, because my knee is giving me problems. I had an appointment with my rheumatologist, who agreed I needed a cortisone shot in my knee. (Ouch!) He also had me get X-rays of my tailbone, because that pain just won't quit.
Feb 18th: Knee was pain free for the first time in weeks! Coached for 8,000 hours. Got a call from my rheumatologist with X-ray results . . . It's not arthritis, nor is it a fractured tailbone. I have coccydynia, which sounds like an STD but is actually inflammation in the tailbone. This can occur from a fall (which I've NOT done) or simply spontaneously, with no known reason. Yea. I ordered a coccyx pillow to sit on - yes, that's a real thing. If the pain doesn't go away, the next step is physical therapy. At home, I used a freeze-off wart remover for the first time on a plantar wart on the bottom of my foot. I've never had a wart before (icky-grody) and I'm hoping this treatment will make it magically go away.
Feb 19th: Had to go to the dentist. Not a big deal for most people. I am not most people, and have a severe, serious phobia of the dentist. Luckily, I have a dentist (Dr. Meer with Maple Ridge Dental in EC) who is amazingly kind and sensitive to my irrational fear. He is not phased to find me crying when he walks into the exam room - in fact, I don't think he'd recognize me without puffy eyes. The good thing is he slaps the nitrous mask on me just as fast as he can. He also has some magic technique of administering Novocain that hardly hurts at all. Two hours later, I had a cavity filled and a temporary crown on another tooth. I rewarded myself with a mint-mocha shake, but then discovered my mouth was so numb I couldn't feel the straw. Still waiting for feeling to return to my mouth.
We are scheduled to get hit by a snowstorm tomorrow. If we get hit by the 10-12 inches predicted, I may find my chimney buried, which means my furnace won't work, which means I will freeze to death. I'm crossing my fingers my neighbor still has a roof rake I can borrow, if needed. Though I have no idea how I would actually get to the back yard as there is 4-5 feet of snow piled up in the back yard. Oh well, guess I'll cross that bridge if I need to. Any tall people want to come rake the snow off my roof?
So, today is apparently the day I'm going to cry about EVERYTHING. Read a Valentine and cried. Watched a student speech and cried. Had a minor disagreement and cried. Watched a cat video and cried.
What. The. Fuck?
I'm NOT a person who cries a lot. Sure, I'll cry when it really matters - but not over little stuff. I think this is just one of the signs that my head is screwed up.
How am I feeling today? Very wet. And snotty.
I'm also a little stressed about running the state forensics tournament this weekend.
I'm a little excited to go to the tournament with this group of students.
I'm a little frustrated at the thought of having to defend my single-ness tomorrow, on the biggest couples day of the year.
I'm a little homesick.
I'm a little tired of trying to figure out what I'm going to wear this weekend to the tournament.
Tonks just crawled up into my lap, looked me in the eye, and tapped my face with her paw. This was so adorable I had to pause in typing this entry, because, you know - it made me cry.
This isn't my first rodeo. I've sought out counseling several times in the past. The most memorable, was after my divorce, when depression pulled me so far into it's cave I didn't know if I would ever know light again. It's odd, but I don't remember how hard it was to fight my way back to the surface, I just remember that I did.
Here I am again, back on the proverbial psych couch, but this time it's not depression, but anxiety that has me held down in claws of panic. I know I need help finding my way back to a calm place, a peaceful place, a happy place. But I forgot how much work it takes.
I'm not comfortable putting a lot of the details of this experience out into the open. Perhaps because I find it embarrassing that I can't simply reason my way out of it. I've tried. My counselor, B, has told me we will work on taking baby steps to a better place. I told her I'd like a magic pill so that *poof* I'd be "better." Judging from B's laughter, I'm not the only person who would like a quick fix.
Unfortunately, I'm going to have to go about this the hard way. Taking baby steps. B wants me to learn to ask myself "How am I feeling?" Because my anxiety is so pervasive, I've fallen into the habit of always feeling stressed, but B says I have to re-learn to recognize the other feelings that are also present.
So . . . right at this moment, I feel vulnerable, ashamed, stressed and helpless. And frustrated that I can't call B up and tell her this is a dumb assignment.
Baby steps . . . Baby steps . . . Baby steps . . .
It's time!! The Olympics are here! WOO-HOOOOO!!! Granted, the opening ceremony has yet to happen, but there is already ice skating and some kind of scary snowboard/skateboard/somebodyisgoingtodie event happening on my TV.
I love the Olympics. I find them . . .
(Oh dang. The American male skater fell. Get up! Fake it till you make it!!)
I find the Olympics inspiring. And scary. And exhilarating. I find myself cheering for athletes, though only the cats can hear me. The personal stories spun by the talented producers at NBC make me teary. And usually, the history and stories told of the host city make me want to visit.
But this year, I have conflicting emotions. I'm super excited for the athletic competition, but I'm super sad at the attitude of the host country toward some cultural groups. I have friends who are boycotting watching the Olympics in order to protest the Russian governments horrifically violent treatment of LGBTQ people. I agree that the treatment of LGBTQ people in Russia is appalling, but I don't quite understand how boycotting watching the games has any effect on the issue. For me, watching the Olympics is about supporting and cheering for individual athletes, and not watching the games wouldn't allow me to do that. If I'm not careful, I will allow myself to feel guilty for watching the games.
I'm also already tired of the media's obsessive Schadenfreude lens that they are going to frame the games through.
Per Mirriam-Webster: Schadenfreude is "a feeling of enjoyment that comes from seeing or hearing about the troubles of other people."
There are already numerous social media sites being flooded with stories of how horrible the accommodations are, that many venues and tourist areas are still being built, that some of the skiing venues have poor snow quality - the complaints go on and on. These Olympics are quickly becoming an event where the media encourages us to make fun of the inept Russian government infrastructure. Schadenfreude. And in my opinion, this desire to laugh at the host is rooted in the dislike that the US has for Russia in general. The Russians are just making it easy to poke fun. But I have to be honest - I'm already tired of it.
I really want an Olympics that focuses on the athletes. I hope the moments that take my breath away create such a roar of joy that they drown out the media nit-picking about Russia not being ready to host the games.
I also hope my cheering doesn't freak the cats out too much.
