Frustration

For the last several months, I've been working with several doctors, trying to get some relief from my almost constant neck stiffness and pain. X-rays show I have some cervical spine degeneration, but not much that explains my symptoms. I was sent to a Physical Medicine specialist (BTW - I thought all medicine was "physical" - call me surprised) who prescribed physical therapy traction and put me on a seizure medicine that helps with nerve pain. The goal with PT is to work up to being able to stand 20 pounds of pressure in traction so I can qualify for a home traction unit.

Fast forward to yesterday. In PT, I had started with 10 pounds of pressure and was gradually working my way up in terms of tolerance. Until yesterday, the most I had had was 15 pounds. The physical therapist decided to bump me up to 20 to see how I tolerated it.  When I sat up after treatment, my whole scalp felt like it had been injected with Novocain. My mid-back muscles were a little crampy because there was so much pull on my spine. I was so stiff and sore all of yesterday, but was told to expect that. This morning, I was OK, but my pain and soreness increased through the day, with most of the pain concentrated in my shoulder. It got so bad at one point I shut my office door so I could be teary without causing a scene. Then, tonight in night class, my arms started going numb.

Several hours later, after tests to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack or stroke, the doctor determined my muscle spasms were so severe they were impinging nerves in my shoulders. I'm now at home with REALLY strong muscle relaxants and pain killers. And I'm so incredibly frustrated.

Why can't this body just work the way I need it to?

Bliss

I spent yesterday and today at a tournament with this amazing group of students.

I sometimes can't believe how lucky I am.

It's Peter's fault

Dang it! I was so engrossed in watching Peter Pan (which I kind of loved) while wrapping Christmas presents last night, I completely forgot to blog. Gah.

I'd like to take the opportunity to thank Starbucks for assisting with my Christmas shopping this year. Partners had a week of getting a 40 percent discount and I finished my Christmas shopping in one day. Christmas this year is sponsored by Starbucks :-)

Today I'm off to UW-Stout for a forensics tournament. It's one of my favorite tournaments of the year because I get to spend time with my dear friend who hosts the tournament, and we commute - which means I get to sleep in my own bed and not a horrid hotel bed. Also, we listen to Christmas music in the van on the way home each day. Yea!

Words

Eric Garner. Michael Brown. Trayvon Martin. As I have watched the events of Ferguson, and now NYC evolve over the last few months, I have tried to imagine a time when I felt threatened by another person (cop, neighbor, pedestrian) just because of the color of my skin. I cannot think of a single, solitary example. I do not know the anxiety that someone with a different skin tone, a different accent, a different hair texture feels when they are observed, questioned, harassed based only on those things. My white privilege reaches out and chokes the words I want to say, because I am terrified I won't "say" the right thing. But my white privilege also means I am more likely to be listened to. More likely to have credibility. More likely to be believed. And so I must use my privilege to shout loud and long  . . .

would someone just give me the words?

Long day

When I left for my 8 hour teaching day this morning, I wasn't sure if I'd survive. I'm happy to report that at some point in the day I "turned a corner" and am starting to feel better. Even my grody sausage fingers from my psoriatic arthritis flare are a bit better.

The best part of today was getting the mail. After some tutoring from a friend on how to get a red lip to stay on longer than 5 minutes, I ordered some lip pencils and viola! The perfect red lip! Now, I just need to wear it with something besides the ratty Packer's jersey I use as a swimsuit cover up when I'm heading to the hot tub.

 

 

Speaking of the hot tub . . . it has become my winter addiction. After spending the day in a freezing cold office (which I try to heat up with not one but TWO space heaters) getting in the hot tub for 15 minutes each evening has been soothing for both my body and soul. And having discovered the secret underground passage through the parking garage to the other building means I don't have to go out in the cold! Now, if only I could manage to have a hot tub actually IN my apartment.



I'm Baaaaaaack

I've been planning for a while that I would start blogging again in December, and not only that, I would blog every day of December. This was a great idea until I came down with the flu 2 days ago. (And yes, I got my flu shot in October - so WTF???) I feel like a train hit me. In fact, I've been sick with something for the past month. First it was bronchitis, then a cold that turned into a possible sinus infection and now the flu. I'm so sick of being sick.

Not only do I feel rotten, but I didn't even get to use my Thanksgiving break to put up my Christmas tree. I was bribing myself with getting to put up my tree once I got all my grading done. Guess what? I still have a set of papers and a set of speeches to grade before that happens. But even then, I feel like death so I don't even want to put up the tree at the present time.

This is a crappy way to re-committing myself to blogging . . . but I guess I'm just keeping it real . . .

Holiday

I was so excited for my Ohio holiday, partly because I would have time to blog. And there were (are) many, many things I wanted to blog about. Unfortunately, my mum has internet just one tiny step up from dial-up and I couldn't pull up blogger.

Grrrrr . . .

So, I'm making a list of the things I plan to blog about:
1. I have magical powers
2. Swimming
3. Cookies
4. Cheerleading
5. Pride in my nieces & nephews
6. Gratitude

But I'm not planning on blogging about any of these things today because I hit the road at 4am to drive back to Wisconsin. And I am EXHAUSTED.

Stay tuned . . .